breathing has lost its ease.
maybe i'm a little more sobered up. well anyways, tomorrow, i'll be heading off to OBS. off to feed sandflies, off to meet wildboars, off to capsize kayaks, & etc. my father's flying off to bangkok aftwards for some business thing. so guess who's gonna drive me to sch.
(die die die)
yes, my brother's gonna take control of th steering wheel. everyone who drives along Dunearn Road all know how congested that area is in th morning because [i heard] there are 11 schools along that road. oh crappy. but yeahh, i thank god for a brother who has gone through NS so that i can take most of his stuff & he can tell me what to do right. now, i'm in need a insect repellent. to repel those nasty things that dwell in th sand & bite th shit out of you whilst injecting their spawns in your skin. how fucking sick. i'm having goosebumps just thinking about them. eurgh. i'm gonna be so dark by th end of th camp. i might even burn (well, i really hope not). not that i mind th sun, but i don't like uneven tan lines. there'll probably be nothing that has to do with AFI (hahaha). at least when i went to Beijing, there were dead trees, moths & winter. now i'm gonna have a whole lot of sun, sunblock, shades, cap, burns & whoknowswhats. oh come to think of it. i shall experience a bit of summer shudder. hahaha. oh i'm so obsessed, i know :D well come to think of it, i havent been doing a proper blogpost in months. everything i type here is so shallow. i'm only talking about what's happened (& what has not & shld have happened). actually, th past few days, i've been thinking a lot abt times back in crestar. probably it's because that my grade eight ballet is nearing. i cant believe i've done nine out of ten at crestar & i'll be doing my last elsewhere. somewhere that i dont any form of attatchment to. maybe that's why i've been so reluctant to turn up for Eights' classes. i dont mind ballet in school. i've grown used to it. besides, i know th people there. doesn't matter so badly. but i feel so odd going off for Eights'. & i do kinda miss th floor there. i miss th intensive stretching. haha. i shld go shoot myself thinking about it. actually, staying that would have been a total waste of time too. half my class has quit. there's more animosity than anything that's left. wouldn't have been happy there for long, i guess. oh wells. move on, move on. they all say that. but it's easier to talk th talk than to walk th walk, no? well i don't want to stagnate either. i cant drive those intrusive thoughts out of my head. they seem to linger, invade, divide & then conquer. taking me over. it just makes me feel that everything would be better if i hadn't existed. to look at it from another angle, it sounds like self-pity. but it's more like self-loathing. oh wells. i've had enough of paragraphing. i'm going back to my old non-paragraphing ways. i hate empty spaces.

i'm a mess.

i dont know
what to do
what to say
who i am
what i am
why i am here
what i'm supposed to be
where i'm supposed to be
who i'm supposed to be
who am i to look to
when is this going to end
& what i'm doing here.

i failed an in-fail-able subject. i'm digusted with my own results. now i only hope that she accepts my vocab answer just to borderline pass. how pathetic. maybe i suffer from test-anxiety. maybe that'll explain my horrible chem results too. but what about bio? eurgh, fuckshit.

OBS next week. i'm going to feed myself to th sandflies. i'm half hoping i'd die there. then th people at home have one less monstrosity residing in their house, under their roof. then i won't have to worry about not doing well enough for them, so much so that it disrupts my tests. i wont have to care about anything else. i wont have to see everyone's eyes sliding to th side. i won't have to feel paranoid anymore. they won't have to waste more money giving me allowance, paying my sch fees, giving me red packets for chinese new year annually anymore. they just dont have to waste anything on me anymore.

because i can't do it.
i don't believe in myself.

i'm in for th worst.

i'm burning up. spikes are shooting. i feel like a hedgehog. a tired hedgehog.

oh wells, PE was alright today. i think jovel has potential for singing in screamo bands. hoho.

lit paper was screwed up. everyone wrote more than one page. me? i wrote three-quarters of it. they say my handwriting is minute, but still th difference cant be that huge right?

well, i've been feeling angry. still am.

.. but jade puget's blog helped a little. & i thought i'd entered th wrong blog. he's switched to new blogger hurh, green template. flower template. i am so amused. oh my. his favourite Beatles songs' list are good. apparently, i've heard them before.. back when my father drove his proton wira. hahaha.

oh wells. go Beatles.

today shall be dedicated to finishing my CNY holiday homework. that includes math & geog. not bad actually. but first, let's talk abt th day so far.

it started off with being late to meet deb at suntec for a movie. at first, we wanted to watch epic movie, but time wasnt on our side, so we settled with DREAMGIRLS. well, before th movie we were scavenging for food. haha. somehow, a random choice like fish&co became our lunch. fish&chips & stingray. i had all th calamari because deb was grossed out by it. i dont know why either.

we were so full by th end of our lunch, we gave up on buying popcorn. th movie "was absolutely fabulous - Beyonce was so angelic it made me want to take poison" - (quote) Davey Havok on his myspace post. but apparently, Beyonce had really really few spoken lines in th movie. it was more of singing, rather. jennifer hudson was awesome. but there was this part of th movie, her role made deb & i want to get up out of our seat & slap her. but she was good, real good. eddie murphy died in th movie of heroine overdose. hahahaha. & jamie foxx's role just made me want to shoot him with a pistol. but it was one good movie. very different from ghostrider. hahaha.

well, aft that, we walked arnd a little in suntec. got myself a new pair of school shoes. hahahahah. then deb got bored & we headed off to raffles city. raffles city was stuffy & warm. oh wells. then i walked back to suntec to take a bus back home.

right now, i'm doing A Math homework. these funny algebraic characters look like ants crawling over my paper. life is sad with Maths, yet so empty without it.

sheesh.

i hate chinese new year.
i fucking hate it.

i've just wasted two-and-a-half hours at a house in which consisted of people whom i have no close relations to. i had no one to talk to. nothing to talk about. nothing to watch even on their teevee set.

i was nice enough not to use my phone.

& now, i'm about to unleash my wrath onto th rest of this fucking world.

GHOSTRIDER!

hahaha. it's a must-watch.
went to watch it with kai today. she looked like a guy with her hair hidden in her cap. hoho.

well anyways, that show was awesome. in th beginning, it did look kinda creepy. but ohwells.

th rest of th day was plain boredom.
especially dinner. personally, i'd have rathered chinese food. but apparently my british-accented cousin came to join us, we had a western meal. th food took forever to come. oh guss how i got there. this person drove.

at first, i was like,
omgshit. he's driving. in th end, it actually turned out to be quite okay. oh wells. i hate PIE. i dont like PIE. roads are confusing & it's effing huge. i dont like it. i have smthn against it. oh btw. that was my brother driving. not my father or whatever.

oh wells. so we went there & came back safe & sound. sheeesh. bumpy road rides.

i could have died, yo.

HAHAHA.

it was a wonderfully slack day. kai & i were crazy.
(as usual, actually)
wah, she dress damn rock.
:D


& then back to TNS.
if you cant tell, this is th top of th fitness corners. we got some random kid in white uniform to help us take th picture. hahaha. i miss that spot mann.


gasp! & you have something else which made th day even better.


haha.
going out with kai tmr :D:D:D
can't wait to watch a movie..
after god-knows-how-long.

woohoo.

today was a tumult of events.
hahaha, not really. but it was really really wild.

firstly, i have failed my chinese test. haha. expected. pathetic 1/10 for cloze passage section. but i actually got th tian xie han zi section entirely correct & i could actually do considerably okay for th comprehension. but if not for th cloze passage section, i think i'd have passed. sigh.

well anyways, math periods were crazy. i had a partner who kept going baby turn around & lemme see tha' sexy body go BUMPBUMPBUMP. oh wells. quite fun actually. & then during lit, we had to come up with a URL for our english newsweek wordpress discussion blog. we were meddling with our first initial of our names, & we ended up having DYSFUNQCION (dysfunction). quite amusing actually. i love my ability to warp spellings. hahahaha.

well then after sch!
aft th much anticipated wait. it was originally a simple search for new year clothes with weeler. somehow, jiahui came to join us & so did deb, aft overhearing our conversation. then elaine overheard our four-way conversation, & agreed to meet us aft her gym prac. hahahahah. so first, we headed off to Far East straight aft higherchinese. we were wandering arnd in that place. it seems like th othr side of th place was so ROCK, yo. hahaha. weeler went to print her shirt for CNY & we walked into shops that sold handwarmers, studs, studded stuff, BAND TEES & CDs. WOOHOO. deb & i got a the Used shirt each. th salesguy was so amusing. he asked deb Are you sure you want a Size M? I think Size S will do! hahahahaha.

i got quite a bit of stuff i guess. but i tell you, th highlight of th trip to Far East was.. seeing PAUL TWOHILL in Image2001. so intriguing. at that time, th shop was playing Aiden's The Last Sunrise. i didnt wanna leave that place cos of th song. & i had some funny thoughts of asking him to take a picture with us. HAHAHA. quite amusing.

well after a LOOOOONG walk arnd far east, we finally detached ourselves from that place to head for HMV cos jiahui needed to place an order on some CD she wanted. then we headed off for macs at taka cos deb & i were in desperate need of a place to rest before our shoulder joints dislocated due to our heavy schbags. then we all became (weirdly) high. we met up with elaine, who also had her lunch there. then deb started this fries-throwing thing. it was damn amusing. you shld watch a short bit of what she did to jiahui.



:D then we took a few pictures. initially it was meant for taking jiahui's & my phone together cos they were red&green. reminded us of christmas. hahahah. then some "extra" people stuffed their phones into th view too, so we took a pict of all four of our phones, except for weeler's.
& then i had a stupid idea of adding smthn to th picture of jiahui & my phone.
the nightmare before christmas, anyone?

hahahahaha. then we went off to pull&bear cos they wanted to take a look at more clothes. then we rushed off to topshop cos we needed to go off soon & we still needed acessories.

well, nothing much interesting happened from there on apart from finding a non-maternity Bowie shirt for jiahui. hahahaha. & coincidentally, i saw this guy at th bus-stop wearing a Bowie shirt too. but it wasn't th same one (obviously!).

today was actually quite a good day.
how rare.

thanks for th chocs, cards, flowers sweets & tattooing my arm.

hahaha. interesting valentine's day it was. actually, mrs chan made it sound as though our school is overly-friendly or smthn. she said that she has never experience such a joyful & vivacious valentine's day before in her old schools.

well, her old schs are deprived! she even mentioned smthn abt being generous in th spirit of giving. oh wells. & to think she was th one who snagged our RAP period to do A Math lesson. she had a hard time concentrating on teaching us at th start. i guess all th teachers were. i wouldnt be surprised if they were distracted by our colourful gifts & flowers.

oh wells.
geog test was horrible. haha. chem test I was worse. i passed by half mark cos they remarked th paper. i'm so dead. but thinking abt my online chem tests that i'd done yesterday night, i feel less dumb.

:D

15 mins to valentine's day.

actually, i dont really like valentine's day. there's too much love in th air. i feel out of place. th whole atmosphere will be so sickeningly warm. it disgusts me way down to my stomach. nausea attacks.

yet, after fourteen years of never participating in th fun of spending money & time getting chocolates & writing cards, i've broke my own record. i spent time that could have been used on finishing A math homework writing cards.

well, it'll just be for giving stuff. there's hardly any content regarding mush in those short messages. call me pathetic. i cant write letters. i cant write prose. i'm sticking to my unfinished sentences.

well, love is overrated. st valentine's day is actually th day st valentine died. i dont really know what is th true purpose of commemorating this so-called love-day kind of thing. it really sickens me. for every minute inching towards midnight, i'm feeling a kind of sickness crawling under my skin.

well more for now, my eyes are burning. i've finished two online chem quizzes, writing cards & am studying geog (obviously i'm taking a break now). it's no good having no dance due to an ankle that swelled up to th size of a pau. quite stupid really. i'd have loved mr trinder's class if i hadnt had to sit on my bum & do nothing.

some burning sense of stupidity here.
oh wells.
have i said maths is fun?
yes. maths is fun..

..only when you get it.

i shall be the nerd/geek of th year/month/week/day.
aiyah i dont know.

Once more I say goodbye, to you
Things happen but we don't really know why
If it's supposed to be like this, why do most of us ignore the chance to miss?

Oh yeah...

Torn apart at the seams and my dreams turn to tears, I'm not feeling this situation
Run away try to find a safe place you can hide
It's the best place to be when you're feeling like..

Me...(me!)
Yeah...(yeah!)
All these things I hate revolve around
Me...(me!)
Yeah...(yeah!)
Just back off before I snap

Once more you tell those lies, to me
Why can't you just be straight up with honesty?
When you say those things in my ear, why do you always tell me what you wanna hear?

Oh yeah...

Wear your heart on your sleeve, make things hard to believe, I'm not feeling this situation
Run away try to find a safe place you can hide
It's the best place to be when you're feeling like..

Me...(me!)
Yeah...(yeah!)
All these things I hate revolve around
Me...(me!)
Yeah...(yeah!)
Just back off before I snap and you'll see...(see!)
Me...(me!)
All these things I hate revolve around
Me...(me!)
Yeah...(yeah)
Just back off before I snap...

Torn apart at the seams and my dreams turn to tears, I'm not feeling this situation
Run away try to find a safe place you can hide
It's the best place to be when you're feeling like me...

It's the best to be when you're
Me...(me!)
Yeah...(yeah)
All these things I hate revolve around
Me...(me!)
Yeah...(yeah!)
Just back off before I snap and you'll see...(see!)
Me...(me!)
All these things I hate revolve around
Me...(me!)
Yeah...(yeah)
Just back off before I snap...
-All These Things I Hate (Revolve Around Me) by Bullet For My Valentine

enough said.
watch me crash & burn.
like falling cinders & darkened snow.

i dont really wish to give a fuck to what you think.
but somehow,

i feel otherwise.

You are most like: You are Red
Though often torn between love and hate, one thing is for sure, your feelings are never left for other to wonder about.
Take this quiz: Which Crayola Box of 8 Color Are You?
Visit Toys For Your Blog.com for more blog quizzes

oh shoot. i forgot to mention that it was Adam Carson's (drummer of AFI) birthday yesterday.

to Anonymous:
i really really appreciate your tag. i dont think you live in asia, telling from th time you tagged. seven in th morning, we're all at sch, waiting for th sch bell to ring so that we'll do our flag-raising ceremony. hahaha. & yes, AFI's a truly AMAZING band. & th only reason why my blog layout can look so nice, is because of them. their lyrics, their band logo, th band members.

OKAY, BACK TO RANTING.
i rewrote th entire chinese passage from th textbook yesterday just to lean tingxie. thankfully, my efforts paid off. i actually remembered how to write th words. i guess, that's how much effort i have to put in to get 10 marks. so if i want to pass higherchinese, does that mean i have to work 5 times as this for th test? aye yie yie. i have another fifty chinese idioms to memorise in preperation for friday's test. rahh.

kai wasnt here today. she left me all alone! well, i concentrated on math better. but i guess she missed out on quite a bit cos mrs chan started on logarithms. confusing topic, really.

apart from math & chinese, rest of th day was pretty mundane, apart from dance. while waiting for dance to start, vicky, adele, wanqi, serena, & occasionally someone else were sitting at th mirror of th changing room telling stupid stories & lame jokes. it was quite funny atcually. during dance, again, we did jazz. a whole lot of jumps & turns. there was also learning of th excerpt from Nutcracker. it drives everyone crazy when people dont listen to instructions. pretty annoying.

aft dance was a suffocating & chaotic scene in th changing room. everyone was rushing to go home. i'd even had to run to th bus lest i miss th bus. that was how eager i was to get home. if not, i'd have just taken th next one. well, my eagerness led to some other coincidence - mr cheng. sheesh. i'd never knew he took that bus. well, he dropped off at parkway, so i heaved a huge sigh of relief. maybe if he finds out i stay near th beach, he'll come & pile me with questions regarding erosion of th beach or smthn in th future.

okay, i'm crapping.
math is waiting for me.

taken from adria's blog;

11 LAYERS OF YOU

LAYER ONE: ON THE OUTSIDE

Name: leongyiting
Birth date: 03041992
Current Location: SG
Eye Color: a brown so dark it looks black.
Hair Color: black.
Righty or Lefty: i write with th right hand but am more flexible on th left.
Zodiac Sign: Monkey/Aries :D


LAYER TWO: ON THE INSIDE

Your heritage: chinese (& am proud of it!)
Your fears: uh, steep staircases, things of th supernatural. haha.
Your weakness: uh, temperamental?
Your perfect pizza: a vegan pizza. no cheese content. woohoo.
Goal: to pass higherchinese. LOL.

LAYER THREE: YESTERDAY, TODAY, TOMORROW:

Your thoughts first waking up: hummahumma, it's six alr?!
Your best physical feature: uh. eyeballs. or eyelashes? i dont know mann.
Your bedtime: early! :D probably from 2200 - 0000.
Your most missed memory: ONESINCERITY2005! ):


LAYER FOUR: YOUR PICK:

Pepsi or Coke: eurgh, i dont like fizzy drinks, but pepsi over coke.
McDonald's or Burger King: MACS! :D
Single or group dates: {shrugs}
Adidas or Nike: NIKE!
Lipton Tea or Nestea: lipton!
Chocolate or vanilla: dark chocolate. hoho.
Cappuccino or coffee: either!


LAYER FIVE: DO YOU?

Smoke: ew, no!
Take a shower: yeahh!
Have a crush: nope.
Think you've been in love: nah-uh.
Want to get married: don't know.
Believe in yourself: depends.
Think you're a health freak: not really..?


LAYER SIX: IN THE PAST MONTH:

Drank alcohol: ew, no!
Gone to the mall: uh huh.
Been on stage: uh, dont think so.
Eaten Sushi: nope.
Been dumped: nope.
Gone skating: nah-uh.
Dyed your hair: nah.

LAYER SEVEN: HAVE YOU EVER:

Played a stripping game: ew no!
Gotten beaten up: LOL, no!
Changed who you were to fit in: {thinks hard}


LAYER EIGHT: GETTING OLD:

Age your hoping to be married: uh.. 28? i dont know?


LAYER NINE: IN A GIRL/GUY:

Best eye color: anything. ones that catch my attn, i guess?
Best hair color: preferably black actually.
Short or long hair: ah, depends how a guy looks like with long hair. if not, then short.


LAYER TEN: WHAT WERE YOU DOING:

1 MINUTE AGO: typed to willa.
1 HOUR AGO: on the way home with carolyn on th bus.
1 DAY AGO: ballet :D
1 YEAR AGO: uhms. probably ballet too.


LAYER 11: FINISH THE SENTENCE:

I LOVE: AFI, Davey Havok! red&black, deadstar assembly,
I FEEL: anxious.
I HATE: not meeting my own expectations for stuff.
I HIDE: from th sun. lol.
I MISS: ONESINCERITY2005 ):
I NEED: a whole lot of stuff that are listed on my bedroom wall.

hahahahaha, that was amusing. i think i've done smthn like that before last year. it doesnt kill to see what different stuff i've put. i shall go compare another day.

anyways, i'm feeling quite bummed over my chem test results. i'd lost six marks due to careless mistakes, obviously i have only myself to blame. but for checking th papers three times, i have no idea how i could still overlook those questions.

obviously, i failed A maths. but i felt better knowing that i hadnt scored a single digit (because i'd actually expected getting that..) well, bio test today was quite.. difficult? in a way, i guess. assembly was entertaining.

overall, it was a sleepy day. i'd to resort to slapping myself during geog lecture to prevent myself from sleeping. i bet shaf thought i was nuts. stresssssss. tests are so stressful. i was on th verge of tears aft getting back my chem results & suddenly realising that i have another four more tests aft that period. well, test anxiety shall come to a temporary halt after next wednesday's geog test..
hopefully.

i fell asleep listening to michael jackson's songs whilst using th computer. no, not that he's boring. i'm tired. i slept at twelve yesterday & woke up at 0515. only managed to do xujie's warm up exercises & scooted off for advfound lessons. aft that, went off to parkway for lunch & then headed off for piano. a day of the arts.

well, my mother asked if i wanted to get new year clothes. i was quite surprised when she asked so. usually, i'd wanna get something & she'll go "okay, that's your new year clothes okay?" & that will usually happen in december, over th holidays when people go wild to buy stuff. th funniest part was when she suggested to get weeler to shop with me to look for clothes. my mind was whirling. i thought i heard wrongly. well, obviously i said i cant. it's th test weeks. i shall study for bio, geog & chinese.

& i need to brush up on maths.

geography is a stingy subject.
who's heard of writing a paragraph for half a mark? i mean, i love geog & stuff, but not to th extent of buying new pens after every two/three tutorials. wastage. sheesh.

well, really, where did all th punks go. whatever happened to greenday? th old simple plan & good charlotte? everything's so poppy, it's driving me nuts. i feel rebellious in a way. but yet, conciously, i know i need to obey whatever i'm instructed & paint my eyeballs upon th paragraphs of my biology textbook & imprint my arms with pencilmarks from sketching geog landforms.

oh my holy, i'm turning into a mugger. well not that i mind, but i dont really know what i'm doing here. studying th shit just to attain whatever th teachers had set for us in that stupid expected MSG. 3.37 for higherchinese? why dont you do th paper for me?! i cant even pass it, & now you want me to get a frickin' B3?! or maybe you did it on purpose. 3.37 is like an AFI number. is someone trying to hint at me that i shld aim at that score for th sake of AFI. well if so, i'll try.

i'm really sorry, my brain has switched off. somehow, dont know how, i'm feeling really tired today. probably borderline annoyed. over what, i do not know. something's egging me but i cant seem to identify th problem & single it out.

i need punkrock.
my brain has gone dysfunctional.

i screwed th chinese zi du. no one could answer it. it was devastating. chemistry paper was quite alright. at least i was able to answer every question. & i still had 15mins aft th test to check it. hmm.

i got my emath paper back. hallelujah. i passed. well, it's low but at least i passed? my parents wont be happy. especially not when they've just gotten a cellphone for me.

i'm trying desperately to get used to th smsing format.
does anyone know how to personalise th ringing tone on motorola razrs?!


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